Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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