so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My bed smells like the plague
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
