and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
