The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
