Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have already put on my inside pants.
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