I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
