I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
