Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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