you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
