I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
