At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
