I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
