a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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