I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
