I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
