i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
