it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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