I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
