Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
