with your own penis?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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