thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
