Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
last night I used snow as a chaser
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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