I puked a lego.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
