I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
