We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
