If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
