I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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