My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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