If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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