i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
