We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
