My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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