when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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