Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
