Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
