my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
