Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
