its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
