who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
