I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
