since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
