I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
