Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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