LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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