My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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