woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
