We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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