this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
