I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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