I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
