I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
