i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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