are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
