i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
