Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize