You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
