She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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