i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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