Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is Oprah even human
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
