I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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