Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How's work?
Spinning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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