I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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