Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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