I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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