New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
