About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
