Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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