you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
