margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
