Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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