Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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