He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Randomize
