I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
