why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
