I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
