i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
