She said her name was "party"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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