Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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