it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
