yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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