I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
